It's called the past because you get past it.
So I've heard.
It's really hard to get over something you still hope for. Every day gets easier; and harder. Because you keep coming face to face with the one decision you do not want to have to make for yourself: Do you keep struggling with pain, like you have been for as long as you can remember? Or do you let go of all hope? Ever. Just so you can move on. I'm scared of moving on. What if everything I feel, I feel for a reason?
Decisions have been made that can't be changed. And even if I held on to the hope and the pain of another chance in the future, nothing can change what is happening now. Punishing myself by being sad won't help that every single factor in this equation points to an answer I never wanted. So even if he changed his mind, it still wouldn't work... logically.
Logically, there are way too many reasons, that make me realize I don't want this either. I didn't to begin with. But the irrational little heart in me gives reasons I can't understand, as to why I do want this.
It's time the mind overcomes the heart. To protect it, and moreover just to finally heal the stupid thing.
It was good while it lasted.
So I've heard.
It's really hard to get over something you still hope for. Every day gets easier; and harder. Because you keep coming face to face with the one decision you do not want to have to make for yourself: Do you keep struggling with pain, like you have been for as long as you can remember? Or do you let go of all hope? Ever. Just so you can move on. I'm scared of moving on. What if everything I feel, I feel for a reason?
Decisions have been made that can't be changed. And even if I held on to the hope and the pain of another chance in the future, nothing can change what is happening now. Punishing myself by being sad won't help that every single factor in this equation points to an answer I never wanted. So even if he changed his mind, it still wouldn't work... logically.
Logically, there are way too many reasons, that make me realize I don't want this either. I didn't to begin with. But the irrational little heart in me gives reasons I can't understand, as to why I do want this.
It's time the mind overcomes the heart. To protect it, and moreover just to finally heal the stupid thing.
It was good while it lasted.
0 comments:
Post a Comment